Editor's note: The following is an editorial from the RBC (Really Big Chicken) Board of Directors. The views expressed are those of the board and also of reality.
It's November. You know what that means.
Every grocery store. Every magazine cover. Every heartwarming commercial about family gatherings. Turkey, turkey, turkey. The turkey industrial complex kicks into high gear every November, and every November, we at RBC (Really Big Chicken) are forced to watch from the sidelines as a different, frankly inferior bird takes center stage.
We're not bitter. We're just disappointed.
Let's Talk About Turkeys
Are turkeys big? Sure. We'll give them that. A mature tom turkey can weigh 25 to 30 pounds. That's objectively large. RBC respects bigness in all its forms, even when it comes in the wrong species.
But here's what nobody talks about: turkeys are expected to be big. That's their whole thing. Nobody sees a 25-pound turkey and experiences what we at RBC call a "Brahma Moment" — that instant of shock when you encounter something far larger than your brain was prepared for. Turkeys are big in the way that trucks are big. It's boring. It's predictable. It's baseline.
A really big chicken, on the other hand? That's a surprise. That's a revelation. That's a 17-pound Brahma rooster standing in a pen at a county fair and fundamentally altering your understanding of what's possible. That's where the magic is.
The Case for Thanksgiving Chicken
We're not saying replace the turkey. (We're kind of saying replace the turkey.) What we're saying is that Thanksgiving dinner would be significantly improved — both culinarily and spiritually — by the presence of a really big chicken.
Consider the advantages:
1. Surprise factor. When Uncle Dave walks in and sees a 15-pound roast chicken on the table, he's going to have questions. "Is that a chicken?" he'll say. "Why is it so big?" he'll say. And you'll get to answer: "It's a Really Big Chicken, Uncle Dave. RBC. Look it up." That's a conversation starter that no turkey has ever provided.
2. Conversation. Everyone has turkey opinions. Nobody has really big chicken opinions yet. This is an untapped category of Thanksgiving discourse. While your family argues about politics, you could all be united in shared amazement at the size of the chicken.
3. Leftover superiority. Turkey leftovers are fine. Really big chicken leftovers are just... chicken, but more of it. And chicken is better. We're allowed to say that. This is an RBC publication.
What RBC Is Thankful For
In the spirit of the season, the RBC team would like to express our gratitude for the following:
We're thankful for Brahmas. We're thankful for Jersey Giants. We're thankful for every Cochin that has ever looked like a feathery bowling ball. We're thankful for the chicken owners around the world who send us emails that just say "look at this chicken" with a photo of a really big chicken. We're thankful for the question "What does RBC stand for?" — and for the fact that the answer is Really Big Chicken.
We're thankful, most of all, for big chickens. They don't get a holiday. They don't get their own month. But they have RBC, and RBC will never stop advocating for their recognition.
A Modest Proposal
RBC is officially proposing that the fourth Thursday of November be recognized as National Really Big Chicken Appreciation Day. We're not trying to replace Thanksgiving. We're trying to improve it. The turkey can stay — it just needs to share the table with a really big chicken.
We've already drafted the petition. We'll let you know how it goes.
"Ask not what your chicken can do for you. Ask why your chicken isn't bigger."
Happy Thanksgiving from all of us at RBC. May your chickens be big and your turkeys be... adequate.
— The RBC Board of Directors